Thursday, October 20, 2005

On Words

The english language and perversions thereof are funny. We make words out of existing words which in turn creates a funny root word.

For instance: Workaholic; Chocoholic

Derivative: Alcoholic - One who is enslaved to consuming alcohol.

So does a chocoholic mean a person is addicted to chocohol or a workaholic to workahol? What does it mean?


On the subject of word usage, what about the word temper. We use the phrase "I'm going to lose my temper" if someone is about to get mad but if someone is notorious for being mad they "have a temper". What does it all mean?

I've also heard the word de-thaw like "I'm going inside to de-thaw and then have some hot chocolate" But doesn't thaw mean to melt? So if you're de-thawwing, then you must be freezing yourself or the direct object, right? But all this isn't to say the person in the above sentence is a chocoholic, because as we stated, there is no use of chocohol.

Someone give me their take on this: "You're awfully pretty!" and "Your homework is pretty awful"
Interesting, no? Yeah, you're right, I do need a life... or a library card.

Monday, October 17, 2005

Small Worldness

I just came back from Starbucks... taking a short repreive from my homework. I drive by a white car that used to be one that sat in Medders' driveway back in the day. Well guess what? It was! The license plate BYE 170 from New Brunswick IS Medders' car, only Nate Medders is driving it. I saw it at Pizza hut. He works there.

I saw another NB license plate yesterday. It was Jane Trafton's. I barely have it memorized but it starts with "G". She is going down to Gulfport, MS with a group that I'm going with. And there was also this dude I saw in the play "Godspell" going too. I knew I recognized him and he recognized me as the guitarist from "Man of La mancha".

There is actually a telos... a purpose, if you will, to this particular blog.

I need five people to pray for me on this Katrina trip. There is no real imminent danger going to Gulfport as there could be if I was in New Orleans. The thing is we're a group who going down for four days to bring a ray of hope to these people's lives. We are one of many groups who has and will go down. So specifically, I would like to have one contact at least to pour into down there. I am also going with a bunch of different personalities (I mean other people, not my own)... 27 to be exact. So of course (any of you who have travelled on chorale will resonate with me) there WILL be opportunity for personality clashes. So I guess as much harmony as there can be, I would covet it.

So If you can pray for me, let me know. Don't say you will if you don't mean it, I know I'm often guilty of saying and not delivering. Leave a comment or email me or call me if you'd like. I can give more specifics but I am not entirely sure what all to pray for myself. We're helping rebuild buildings and helping people cope I would guess.

Thank you!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Breaking Murphy's Law

The answer: YOU CAN'T!!

You would think as often as I have been using a hammer these last few week I would learn how not to hit my thumb. Well, I do an okay job of it and I have mentioned in a previous post about how I had a mishap in church with a hammer.

Today I was nailing Soffit into the bottom of a bay window juncture. If you don't know what soffit is, don't worry about it. It's aluminum sheeting of some sort. The important detail is the tiny nail with a tiny nail head I have to use to secure these things. Luckily Nelson left cause I wouldn't want him to question my... salvation or something because of the words I used (loudly, mind you) when I smashed my thumb with a nail. It is bruised now. I wondered if the Amish fellahs heard me. I should have said "flacon de mais*" cause it does the same thing only has less harsher meaning. I guess...

Here's where Murphy's law comes in. I think there is an addendum to the law that states "If you injure yourself, it is guaranteed that injury will keep coming into contact with solid objects at a high speed or vice versa." I must've hit my thumb ten more times since then. Not only that, as I was walking, I rammed my thumb into the claw part of my hammer. Tell me, how often does that happen? I have not experienced that since I've been using the loop in my carpenter's pants for the hammer like it should be. I tell ya!

Now the areas around my thumb (spec. index finger) come into contact with something that harms it. I came home for lunch (still home as I write) and open the cupboard door for a glass. Wouldn't you know it my finger got stuck begind the handle and twisted it. Makes me mad! Anyhow, enough ranting for now. These things add character I know. This is more about the only law I know of that cannot be broken.

* flacon de mais is french for "corn flakes". So if you ever get mad, yell "flacon de mais" and people will think, "Oh, this guy is mad mad mad!" But really, you're just saying "Corn flakes!" Doesn't work so well in english.

Sween Dog Emails

I love Homestarrunner.com. The emails and Teen Girl Squad are always entertaining. Sometimes I always think of different things that could be used as emails for Strongbad to respond to. Well here's some pretend emails I made up in my head to ask myself and I'll answer them with a real event that happened to me.

Ding-dong dear Sween Dog. How do you get free stuff? Everyone likes free stuff!

Homer Sexual
Sandford




Dear Homer,

It's easy to get free stuff. It's all in how you play it up when you pay for stuff. Especially in Drive -thrus.
Why, just today I got a free starbucks coffee. I knew it was gonna come to $1.61 so I grabbed 6 quarters a dime and a penny before I left for whereever I went today.
As I tried to pay, my arm bumped the side of my car and my change flew everywhere in the car. It is important to state your exasperation at the fact all your change flew to the four corners of your car (or in the case of my Geo Metro with a hatchback, quite possibly just under the seat). Then express the fact that it was exact change. This most likely indicates you only have that exact amount, or you're a tight wad who doesn't like to break bills. So the monologue will sound something like this:

"AAAARRRGGGGH! And of course I had exact change too."

The result is: "Don't worry. It's on the house."

There are other ways to get free stuff without stealing from a retail store. Why you can volunteer to sort clothes at a hurricane drop off centre and snag some tacky crap that people drop off. Like my friend "what the Hect" Nick Hect. He managed to grab a sequiny zebra shirt and a tacky Christian propaganda T-shirt that stated "I'm the Christian the devil warned you about"

What the hell? Ooops... I mean, what the Hect? Why do people drop off crap like that? Like homeless people want to wear that schize (I'm sure the Amish use this to express their angst in term of feces).

Well, anyway, that all the time I have for today. Until next time when I decide to write more observations of the obvious.

Sveen Daag

Thursday, October 06, 2005

The Opera and the Amish

Two new experiences occured yesterday. The Opera and the Amish.

The Amish are a queer folk who shave only their mustaches yet grow lengthy beards. Apparently they let the teenage folk do whatever they want until they decide to be a part of the Amish church. I believe such teenagers are call rumpfscha. I am unsure of the spelling of pronunciation seeing only heard the tern the first time today from my present boss Nelson. He's a Mennonite fellah. Lot of both types up his way. It was interesting to see an Amish drywall hanging company at work. I think the rumpsha fellow was the one who yelled "DAMMIT" all the time. He also dyed the top of his hair... that rebel. I occasionally heard obscure dialectic German in the run of their conversations.

The opera had nothing to do with dialectic German, but rather, genuine French. Not Quebec french or Acadian french, but real France french. And it well should be because it was written by some French guy back in the day. There was no fat lady. There was a fat guy who was the king of his fishing village. So I don't really know when the opera ended. We left after the first act. I kinda didn't want to because it was rather intriguing. It was free... we always leave free things early... like the orchestra... by the way, you'll see a reference to that in my upcoming post :Life is laughable::part deux.

This is more of an information session than it is a humor column, so why don't I immerse you in some of the culture that lived a couple miles away from me growing up! I will mix an exclusivist group with a fishing village. It's like combining the Opera and the Amish, only you don't get singing and mustacheless beards. You get whiny drawn out nasaly "EEEEEYYAAAANNGGHH"s and wrinkly old sea salts that may have beards and gnarly teeth. This mystical far away land is called Sandford, and those who dwell therein are called Sandfordites. This breed is not particularly bright and they are related to each other. Hence the last names Landers and Thurston. (Not to be mixed up with the articulate Landers' I know in Pembroke, Massachusetts or whereever they may be)
The only place you'll see a chimney fire in July... is in Sandford
The busiest time of year for the Yarmouth Fire Department is... Sandfordite grass fire season.
The only place you'll see a boat on fire... might very well be Sandford.

Sandford... also known as "The place where the women cook and the men go 'EEYAAANGH'".

Accreditted for the world's smallest (quasi-functional) drawbridge, this quaint little village draws many tourists. I am sure that a misconception of Canadians is brought on by an encounter of the American kind with the Sandfordite kind.

Sadly, I am now developing a drawn out nasaly "EEEEYYAAAANNGH" when I deeply think. I swear it is only a short "Eyangh" but my wife is convinced I've been away from the drawbridge's presence too long. It has the opposite effect of kryptonite to Superman.

If you want to find a cure for "EEEEYAAAANGGGH-cer" then please send a generous donation by check or money order to me.
Thank you! May your lobster traps be full, your wife always cook and your boat never catch fire.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Life is laughable

I suffer from random unseriousness. If an event is to be serious or has some dignity about it I have this uncanny spiritual gift of making it comedic.

Graduation Day - Ahh... the day where I got my piece of paper that says I have all but one course...As I went up, I was playing in my head everything that had to be done. Approach the podium - turn to my right - Get my sash thingy - shake hands - get diploma - pose - walk off.
This happened a few months ago but the stark mishappedness of it all is worth reiterating. I approach the Podium (while Dr. Gavel was reading the three other names [which were female] I started walking. My thoughts were louder than his voice apparently. Why not walk, I'm the only one here, I thought) Slightly embarrassing Then I face the Pres and assumed to turn. I asked him with a short hand motion "Do I turn this way?" while jerking right thumb in the same direction. He said go ahead. I turned. Deafening pause. I turned to ask Pres, "Was I supposed to turn now?" Pres: "You're fine". Then everyone laughs. It is at this point that Dr. Gavel assumes reading the absentee list and then gets to my name. Oh... oops Relatively embarrassed Ok, I can get my sash and shake hands (in my case hug) without incident. But then I pose. Crap! I thought to myself, my diploma is sideways! What do I do? Turn it 90 degrees only to have it slip from my hands. But it didn't just fall on the stage, it tumbled down every step. No time to act Embarrased I swiftly picked it up, held it propoerly while laughing too hard. The place erupted with laughter! Too Sween to regret embarrassment

This past Sunday during Jonathan's seromn response time, we had to nail nails into a cross for people we were going to actively persue this month in friendship. I walked up to the stage and then thought, I have time before guitar parts come in, I'll pound my two nails. It did cross my mind "What if I hit my thumb?"
First nail - flawless
Second nail - hit my thumb. It hurt. Nail went flying past Emily Goff's head. Those around me laughed. Thumb still hurts today.

I have so much more to write. This particular post will be updated various and sundry times.