Sween Dog Emails

I love Homestarrunner.com. The emails and Teen Girl Squad are always entertaining. Sometimes I always think of different things that could be used as emails for Strongbad to respond to. Well here's some pretend emails I made up in my head to ask myself and I'll answer them with a real event that happened to me.

Ding-dong dear Sween Dog. How do you get free stuff? Everyone likes free stuff!

Homer Sexual
Sandford



Dear Homer,

It's easy to get free stuff. It's all in how you play it up when you pay for stuff. Especially in Drive -thrus.
Why, just today I got a free starbucks coffee. I knew it was gonna come to $1.61 so I grabbed 6 quarters a dime and a penny before I left for whereever I went today.
As I tried to pay, my arm bumped the side of my car and my change flew everywhere in the car. It is important to state your exasperation at the fact all your change flew to the four corners of your car (or in the case of my Geo Metro with a hatchback, quite possibly just under the seat). Then express the fact that it was exact change. This most likely indicates you only have that exact amount, or you're a tight wad who doesn't like to break bills. So the monologue will sound something like this:

"AAAARRRGGGGH! And of course I had exact change too."

The result is: "Don't worry. It's on the house."

There are other ways to get free stuff without stealing from a retail store. Why you can volunteer to sort clothes at a hurricane drop off centre and snag some tacky crap that people drop off. Like my friend "what the Hect" Nick Hect. He managed to grab a sequiny zebra shirt and a tacky Christian propaganda T-shirt that stated "I'm the Christian the devil warned you about"

What the hell? Ooops... I mean, what the Hect? Why do people drop off crap like that? Like homeless people want to wear that schize (I'm sure the Amish use this to express their angst in term of feces).

Well, anyway, that all the time I have for today. Until next time when I decide to write more observations of the obvious.

Sveen Daag