The Opera and the Amish

Two new experiences occured yesterday. The Opera and the Amish.

The Amish are a queer folk who shave only their mustaches yet grow lengthy beards. Apparently they let the teenage folk do whatever they want until they decide to be a part of the Amish church. I believe such teenagers are call rumpfscha. I am unsure of the spelling of pronunciation seeing only heard the tern the first time today from my present boss Nelson. He's a Mennonite fellah. Lot of both types up his way. It was interesting to see an Amish drywall hanging company at work. I think the rumpsha fellow was the one who yelled "DAMMIT" all the time. He also dyed the top of his hair... that rebel. I occasionally heard obscure dialectic German in the run of their conversations.

The opera had nothing to do with dialectic German, but rather, genuine French. Not Quebec french or Acadian french, but real France french. And it well should be because it was written by some French guy back in the day. There was no fat lady. There was a fat guy who was the king of his fishing village. So I don't really know when the opera ended. We left after the first act. I kinda didn't want to because it was rather intriguing. It was free... we always leave free things early... like the orchestra... by the way, you'll see a reference to that in my upcoming post :Life is laughable::part deux.

This is more of an information session than it is a humor column, so why don't I immerse you in some of the culture that lived a couple miles away from me growing up! I will mix an exclusivist group with a fishing village. It's like combining the Opera and the Amish, only you don't get singing and mustacheless beards. You get whiny drawn out nasaly "EEEEEYYAAAANNGGHH"s and wrinkly old sea salts that may have beards and gnarly teeth. This mystical far away land is called Sandford, and those who dwell therein are called Sandfordites. This breed is not particularly bright and they are related to each other. Hence the last names Landers and Thurston. (Not to be mixed up with the articulate Landers' I know in Pembroke, Massachusetts or whereever they may be)
The only place you'll see a chimney fire in July... is in Sandford
The busiest time of year for the Yarmouth Fire Department is... Sandfordite grass fire season.
The only place you'll see a boat on fire... might very well be Sandford.

Sandford... also known as "The place where the women cook and the men go 'EEYAAANGH'".

Accreditted for the world's smallest (quasi-functional) drawbridge, this quaint little village draws many tourists. I am sure that a misconception of Canadians is brought on by an encounter of the American kind with the Sandfordite kind.

Sadly, I am now developing a drawn out nasaly "EEEEYYAAAANNGH" when I deeply think. I swear it is only a short "Eyangh" but my wife is convinced I've been away from the drawbridge's presence too long. It has the opposite effect of kryptonite to Superman.

If you want to find a cure for "EEEEYAAAANGGGH-cer" then please send a generous donation by check or money order to me.
Thank you! May your lobster traps be full, your wife always cook and your boat never catch fire.