On Ministry

I should journal about this topic first so I can keep my thoughts straight but I'm sure I can make enough sense and be concise if I try reeeeeeally hard. I will first explore my gradual jading with "church work", as it were.

Only being a follower of the way for six years, four days, and just shy of eighteen hours, I have had... some fast transitions. At first, I loved going to church. A lot of that was due to learning new things - things which older, more weathered Christians have most likely become numb to because it's common knowledge to them and their Christians friends. Then there was Bible College, the place where you "grow close to God" or become a "worker for the harvest". Mmmm.... sure. There were moments of tangible growth. But more noticable was a delineating sine wave and a perpetual diminishing of the amplitude of that sine wave. I will have to provide a drawing. In fact. I really will.

The first graph is a sample of a 60 cycle sine wave. This is your typlical AC outlet or florescent light output. You will notice how off the fly this picture is because I am drawing it as I am going along. Don't mind the scribbles please. This is merely an example for the edification fo those who won't typically grasp my examples... er... illustrations.










Note that the x-axis is pretty much the average common middle line. In the next graph you will notice that average common middle line is not constant. This is what I call delineation due to it's gradually downward sloping arc.


Please note that the general contentment of life in general isn't parallel to this "spiritual delineation", in fact, I am very contented. I have a great wife, a nice house and steady job that I think I enjoy very much. In fact, upon further thinking, I think the delineation is more in the joy department moreso than my overall spiritual life, although there is some reflection in that.

Do I think becoming a pastor or doing something explicitly "Christian" will fix that? NO. But there is something overtly missing and as a result this consistent discontentment occurs. In fact, I maybe should have allowed myself to draw the line in Example 1.b significantly below the x-axis. All in all, I'm just generating a general idea. Now for the flip side.

Whitey has been over recently. He is a fellow maritimer. Being from the Maritimes, there are certain experiences I had early on in my journey with Jesus which when I think about those joyful moments, I automatically think of the Maritimes. Having fun at youth group (though I was 20), having coffee with my Bethany Colleagues, Beulah Camp. Being near the Wesleyan hubris has also allowed me to experience the bureaucratic hubris of any typical denominational head. It is the bureaucracy with which I am disenfranchised. But in the Maritimes there is AJ Thomas, Mike Ross, Andrew Maves - all cool guys doing "ministry". But even bigger than that, I know they are making more difference because they actually love Jesus and want to perpetuate that. My fear has been that I would have to assimilate a non-believer into a church culture and allow him to make the decision to follow. But this perpetuation of culture is not a perpetuation of discipleship so for a while I have been... trying to find a way to graft a small group of people with the express purpose to journey with Jesus. But... you need people - I need people. So in the end, all my lofty ideas and ideals remain as such: conceptual and not actual.

BUT I have been entertaining in my own heart that maybe there is a "ministry" for me. Now, don't comment and give me that shit that God will use me whereever I am. I KNOW that. It's the perception of effectiveness that I'm lacking. I work with a kid who is deeply intellectual. He adheres to evolution. My job as a follwer of the way is to help him understand that there is a God who loves him and that we are indeed a fallable race which is need of redemption. Sure, there may have been adaptable qualities to creatures over time, who cares, that's not the issue. I realize I'm here for such a time as this and I don't know how seriously I take it.

Anyway, I may think of ministry in the nominal sense, but I'm also struggling with becoming a math teacher. Do I blindly pick one with no real clue what direction to take? I don't know. But here is where I have to end it because this is only a thought in process and in progress. I welcome your views and experiences based on such. Albeit, this is a huge blog and you will only probably look at the short paragraphs and the crappily drawn pictures. I like comments on those too.

With that, I must do my to do list. Later!